Best jokes ever

Did you hear about the hopeless athlete? He ran a bath and came in second.
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Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
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"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
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One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news." Bush replied, "What’s the good news?" "I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."
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The Earth was flat until Chuck Norris looked in it's direction...then it rolled up into a ball.
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Q: Why do hipsters love ice? A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
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There were three guys manhers, shaup and shed. They went for a drive, shed wanted to go to the store to pick up snacks for the ride. So shed went in the store. Twenty minutes passes they were getting impatient so manhers went in what's taking him so long. Minutes later a police officer went to him and asked his name he replied "shaup!" Police officer was startled what he said. Police said "where's your manners boy!". Shaup replied to the officer "he's inside picking up shed*
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"I really don’t know girl, but I don’t believe in love at first sight!" "Why?" "Because... How can you tell if the man has a good salary at the first sight?"
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Night time... when Chuck Norris tells the sun it's time for bed.
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Q: If Bigamy is having one wife too much, what is Monogamy? A: The Same!
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More jokes about: marriage, mean, wife