How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear?
A: Lynx
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Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill."
Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
Yo mama so poor I sat on the garbage can and she said get off from my roof.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.
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