"I want a divorce"!
"But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part."
"I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
Vote:
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.
Vote:
After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge.
As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed.
Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!"
A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!"
I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."
Q: What do you call a violent minority?
A: A thug.
Q: What do you call a violent white guy?
A: Officer.
Vote:
3 things which change women:
1) I love U
2) I liquidated to your account
3) U have lost weight
The last one had been some fatalities!
Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub.
He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes.
Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition."
"The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance,'What's your condition?"
Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words."
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address.
She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."
Vote:
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."
He came fifth and received a toaster.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
Vote: