A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life, has stayed in for 25 years.
While trying to find a place to hide, he enters a newlywed’s house, ties the man in a chair in a corner of the room and ties the woman in the bed.
He climbs on the bed, on top of the woman and appears to be kissing her neck.
Then he gets up and leaves the room.
Immediately the husband drags his chair up to the bed and whispers to his wife: "My love, this man hasn’t seen a woman for many years. I saw him kissing your neck and rushing out. Just play nice with him and do as he asks you to. If he wants to have sex with you just agree and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, don’t go against his will and upset him. Both our lives are at your hands right now, be strong and remember that I love you."
As soon as the half naked woman recovers from the shock of what she just heard, she says: "Honey, I feel very relieved that you see it this way. You are right, this man has not seen a woman for years but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering to me. He said that he finds you very cute and asked me if we have Vaseline in the bathroom! Be strong and remember that I love you too!"
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you. You have my Word.
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know!
You're getting a ticket!"
Why arent black people affended by thes jokes?
Because they cant read.
Vote:
Chuck Norris once gave blood, it was put in cans and labelled 'Red Bull'.
Vote:
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!”
The defendant answered, “No, we won.”
"I really don’t know girl, but I don’t believe in love at first sight!"
"Why?"
"Because... How can you tell if the man has a good salary at the first sight?"
Big inspection on a build site/yard.
The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual.
The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses.
-(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time