Two statisticians go bird hunting. The first one fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet. The second one fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet. They both give each other a high-five and say "Got it!"
Yo Momma's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.” “But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.” But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. “Oh, he died,” the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.” “Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.” “Oh, what was it then?” “I think it was the spin cycle.”
Chuck Norris's urin is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.
Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra? Now he's hard up.
Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when I asked what was for dinner, she took off her shoe and said, "Corns."
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Your mom is so fat when she jumps all the oceans disappear.