Chuck Norris once pushed a door that said,"pull."
Chuck Norris can shut the door open.
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris.
Q: What animal could Noah not trust? A: Cheetah.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
You know the movie, Alien VS Predator? Well it used to be called Alien VS Predator VS Chuck Norris, but no body would pay to see a fight 7 seconds long.
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years." The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "Food cold!" the man replied. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?" "Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "I quit!" said the man. "Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
The Playstation Network is down because Chuck Norris unplugged his PS3.
Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"