Best jokes ever

A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Yo mama is so fat when she ordered a waterbed, I gave her the atlantic ocean.
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo Mama's so fat that when she bends over, the whole country enters daylight saving.
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: Because she couldn't find the 11
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has 68.73 % from 246 votes. More jokes about: blonde, math, phone
Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, death, old people, Yo mama
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: dirty
When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. Russia used a pencil.
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: IT
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?
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has 68.72 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: animal, democrat, doctor, political
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down. She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "My car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?" "Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke." The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. "Okay," she says. After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?" They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long. Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?" "Yeah," says Luke, "I remember." "Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed. "Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not." "Me neither," says Jed. "Let's take these things off."
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has 68.69 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, disgusting, travel, women
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
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has 68.69 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: cop
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