A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!”
The defendant answered, “No, we won.”
"I really don’t know girl, but I don’t believe in love at first sight!"
"Why?"
"Because... How can you tell if the man has a good salary at the first sight?"
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
Chuck Norris once gave blood, it was put in cans and labelled 'Red Bull'.
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Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?"
She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.
Why arent black people affended by thes jokes?
Because they cant read.
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Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car.
It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
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Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
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In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people.
It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch.
Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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