Best jokes ever

A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?"
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30 lumberjacks once tried to cut off Chuck Norris's beard... They were never seen again.
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Chuck Norris found the fountain of youth, but...he wasn't thirsty.
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Oxygen needs Chuck Norris to survive.
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There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!" "I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!" The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string. The woman said, "You're going out as that?" "Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
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If Chuck Norris gets a question wrong, it is right.
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Chuck Norris once created a time machine and had to fight himself. We call it The Big Bang.
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Chuck Norris destroyed all life in a place called Happy Valley. We know it today as Death Valley.
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Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.
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Chuck Norris does not need deodorant because sweat instantly runs away.
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