Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
Q: Why are there prairies? A: Because Chuck Norris scared the trees away.
Chuck Norris can tie your hands behind your back with both hands tied behind his back.
Chuck Norris made the universe... out of his snot and left kidney.
Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
Once, Chuck Norris told Nike to "just do it..." and it did.
Chuck Norris got elected for president, even though he didn't run for anything.
Chuck Norris is never late... time is just early.