Best jokes ever

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: cop, death
The only time the word incorrectly isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled incorrectly.
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication
Yo mama is so fat when she ordered a waterbed, I gave her the atlantic ocean.
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo Mama's so fat that when she bends over, the whole country enters daylight saving.
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?” “What dear?” She asked gently. “I think you bring me bad luck.”
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: business, health, husband, men
What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: black humor, cop
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? A: Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: animal
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down. She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "My car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?" "Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke." The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. "Okay," she says. After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?" They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long. Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?" "Yeah," says Luke, "I remember." "Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed. "Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not." "Me neither," says Jed. "Let's take these things off."
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has 68.69 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, disgusting, travel, women
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
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has 68.69 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: cop
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