Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Electricity pays Chuck Norris to light up his house.
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete? He ran a bath and came in second.
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.
The Earth was flat until Chuck Norris looked in it's direction...then it rolled up into a ball.
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
Q: Why do hipsters love ice? A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
There were three guys manhers, shaup and shed. They went for a drive, shed wanted to go to the store to pick up snacks for the ride. So shed went in the store. Twenty minutes passes they were getting impatient so manhers went in what's taking him so long. Minutes later a police officer went to him and asked his name he replied "shaup!" Police officer was startled what he said. Police said "where's your manners boy!". Shaup replied to the officer "he's inside picking up shed*