Best jokes ever

A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood. When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor. He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up." The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?" The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!" The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: April fools, office
Yo mamma so stupid she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to turn green.
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: stupid, Yo mama
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, men, sex
A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes. A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything. About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your butt out the window if you have to go so bad." The hitchhiker sticks his butt out the window and lets loose. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside. Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?" The second guy wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, time, travel
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother. He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother." One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly. The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother. He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, school, teacher
Chuck Norris saw the Invisible Man.
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
Vote:
has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people
Do files get embarrassed when they’re unzipped?
Vote:
has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: IT
<<<395396397398
More jokes →
Page 395 of 1427.