How do you get the little black kids to stop jumping on the bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling. How do you get them down? Tell the Mexican kids it's a piñata.
Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving? A: “Thanks for coming!”
Chuck Norris does not fart, nothing escapes Chuck Norris.
A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday. Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris has one pet. It's name is fear.
Chuck Norris doesn't hold any world records, he broke them all.
An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime. "Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."