Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.
Devil stays in hell because he knows Chuck is around, here on earth.
Once Chuck Norris attempted to punch through a brick wall, but the brick wall crumbled in fear.
Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!
Yo mama so poor, when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.
Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it? A: Cucumber, dirty people.
Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people? A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.
A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased. "This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop. "My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop. "But how do we know which is which?" They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea. "Lets cut off this ones tail" The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail. The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses and looks really mad. The two cops see this and ask whats wrong. "You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!" "But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart." "Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one?!"
Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear? A: Lynx