A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
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Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she's never had any prior lessons or training.
As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away.
Immediately the girl realizes she's not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay on the horse, she pulls on the horse's mane, she grabs the saddle ... but she realizes it's no use.
Finally she decides the best thing to do is to jump clear of the horse but as she does this, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and she is dragged by the horse.
Her head is hitting the ground ... thump ... thump ... thump ... over and over again.
Just as she is about to lose consciousness ..... the store manager runs out and unplugs the horse!
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There's a blonde walking down a trail.
She comes to a river and stops. She looks right then left.
She sees another blonde on the other side.
She asks her "how do you get to the other side?"
The blonde on the other side look right then left and says "you are on the other side"!
Chuck Norris drives in reverse and still drives better than you...
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement.
Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions).
Did you hear about the blonde who was treated in the emergency room for concussion and severe head wounds?
She’d tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
Q: What do bleached blondes and airplanes both have in common?
A: They both have a black box.
A married couple go to a restaurant.
A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it.
The man asks, "Where's the burger?"
The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit.
"I was keeping it warm," she replies.
The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."