Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex? They're called "Predickamints".
Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?" Little Johnny: "11" Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."
Chuck Norris didn't survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.
Women are looking for Mr. Right. Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.
Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters? A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork
How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire? Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone? She thought children should be seen and not herded!