Knock knock! Who's there? Yah! Yah who? Naaah, bro, I prefer google.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, doesn't that hurt?" The pirate growls, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts."
Q: What do you call a redneck that's bursting into flames? A: A fire cracker.
A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg? There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.