If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
Even though telemarketers are slightly less beloved than dentists and tax auditors, that's the job my friend took during his summer vacation. Halfway through one of his sales pitches, he heard a clicking at the other end of the line. Thinking the man may have hung up, he asked, "Are you still there?" "Yeah, still here," said the man. "Sorry, I heard a click and I thought you'd been disconnected." "No," the man said, "that would sound more like this." He then proceeded to show me what it would sound like by slamming down the phone.
Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
Yo mama so poor I sat on the garbage can and she said get off from my roof.
Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? U stop imagining...
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Dear God!" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.