Q: How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 10, 1 to change the bulb and 9 to share the experience.
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."
Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? U stop imagining...
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.
"Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Maryland State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years."
Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
A blonde's car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car. The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."