I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!"
"Was it a Jersey cow?"
"I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"
Chuck Norris gets a the highest score possible on Wii Fit by sitting down.
Vote:
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
Vote:
Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen...
Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?"
Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"
Vote:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn't come home 1 night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house.
The wife called her husband's 10 best friends.
8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.
Rules of fighting:
1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.
2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
Vote:
We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
Vote:
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.