When Norris hits the road, he destroys it.
John was in trouble, really big trouble. You see, he forgot his wedding anniversary and, if you're married, you can imagine what he's probably going through. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" She was serious too, so John got serious. The next morning he woke up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped, right there in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife threw her robe on and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house and opened in with much anticipation. Inside she found a brand new bathroom scale. John has been missing since Thursday.
A new army computer is put through its paces. An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armoury?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’ The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’
I would make a science joke but all the good ones ARGON.
Travel agency named „Bermuda triangle" – Let us meet on the other side.
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
The Playstation Network is down because Chuck Norris unplugged his PS3.
Chuck Norris once dropped a glass vase onto the floor. The glass apologized for breaking in his presence.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can put M&M's in alphabetical order.
When Columbus discovered America, Chuck Norris has already worked there as Texas ranger.