A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
Vote:
Who said Windows 98 is a virus was wrong.
Why?
Because a virus does something.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
Vote:
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
A: Because the river was too mainstream.
Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".
"Knock Knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Europe."
"Europe who?"
"No you're a poo."
"Doctor I feel like biscuits!"
"What, you mean those square ones?"
"Yes!"
"The ones you put butter on?"
"Yes!"
"Well, that means you’re crackers!"
Two deer hunters met in the woods. The first one said to the other, "Boy am I glad to see you, I've been lost for hours." The second deer hunter said, "That's nothing, I've been lost for a week."
Vote:
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?
The police thought it was a cereal killer.
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.