Chuck Norris doesn't smoke cigars.
He smokes smoke grenades.
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What do you call a baby potato?
A small fry.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
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Do you know what a plateau is?
It's the highest form of flattery!
Chuck Norris once pushed a door that said,"pull."
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When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.
"The first ten years are the hardest."
"How long have you been married?" she asked.
"Ten years", he replied.
"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny.
"Let's play schools," said Jenny.
"OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."
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When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.
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Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."