A: What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker?
B: A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.
Chuck Norris can turn diamonds back into coal.
Vote:
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Chuck Norris can freeze water using a toaster.
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Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.
Vote:
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money."
"Why do you say that?"
"Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'."
Did you ever wonder how the moon got craters?
3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.
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When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.