Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet. Chuck Norris can curve a laser.
Find a sleeping person, fill their hand with shaving cream and then tickle their nose.
There is a lady laying in bed. At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.” His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.” Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”
When Chuck Norris is in Rome, they do what he does.
Q: What happened when a blonde missed the Q44 bus? A: She took the Q22 twice.
Yo mama so fat when she was in school she sat by everybody!
"Siri, why am I still single?" Siri activates front camera.
Chuck Norris won the Boston marathon in New York.
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.