Best jokes ever

A blonde is standing in front of a soda machine outside a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button. Suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continues to do this until a man waiting to use the machine becomes impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "No chance! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm winning!"
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has 66.69 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: blonde
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine. Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges. As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
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has 66.69 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, ethnic, military, war
Chuck never auditioned for Walker Texas Ranger, a camera crew turned up at his house and secretly filmed him.
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has 66.69 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Only Chuck Norris can tell you the answer to your question before you ask it.
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has 66.69 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says: "An English girl!" The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you," replies the wife. "And, what happened to my present?" "Which present?" "I asked for, the English girl?" "Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl!"
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has 66.68 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, travel, wife
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
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has 66.68 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: food, men, sex, women
Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower. When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large cumshot on the wall. He wailed to Tom, "I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!" Paul looks at the wall and says "What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!"
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has 66.66 % from 269 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, gay, love, sex
Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
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has 66.66 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, easter, sex
Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her fanny. Doc says, "Im gonna rub honey on my d*ck and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow." Doctor starts and woman begins to moan. Doctor gets faster and harder. Woman yells, "What the f*ck you doing?" Doc says, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard."
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
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