Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don't.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
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A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.
"And why not, darling?", the father asked.
You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
Just had an argument with the manager in McDonald's.
What a clown!
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After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,
I wish I'd never put it on now.
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.
"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea.
The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match.
"I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope.
"You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
Q: What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?
A: Phil Ming
To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.
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Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.
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