Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows.
A guy walks into an auto shop and says, "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA." The car mechanic thinks for a few seconds then says, "Ok, that seems like a fair trade."
Love does not conquer all. Chuck Norris does.
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.
Chuck Norris can actually describe the taste of purified water.
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.
Yo mom a so fat she wore a Malcolm x shirt and a helicopter landed on her.
Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement." I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code." After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."
Yo mama so poor, when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.