Best jokes ever

Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
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has 66.50 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
An old couple decide to get married after years of courting. They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex. ‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée. ‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’ ‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom. ‘Was that one word or two?’
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has 66.50 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: sex
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.
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has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: air force, computer, money, phone, wife
Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and you'll go places.
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has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, travel, Valentines day
I tried to get into a trendy New York nightclub last night. The doorman said to me, "Sorry mate, you've had too many". I replied, "What, drinks?" He said, "No, birthdays!"
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has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, old people
There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Macedonian men and 1 Macedonian woman. One month later on this beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere... The first Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman. The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois". The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman. The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The Macedonian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the Macedonian woman and started swimming.
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has 66.49 % from 274 votes. More jokes about: desert island, ethnic, men, women
What do you call a nigger with no arms, and no legs? Trustworthy.
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has 66.49 % from 290 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
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has 66.48 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: sex
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: men
Two neighbors are talking to each other. First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me? Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well. First neighbor: Really, well then, how? Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal
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