A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She called the police immediately to report the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch.
The sight of the cop and his dog made her shudder.
She put her face in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began moaning.
"What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the officer.
The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a blind policeman!"
One of the two adult female friends got married and went on honeymoon to Hawaii.
On return curious other girl asked her friend, “What sightseeing places did you go in Hawaii and what did you see?”
The honeymoon girl explained, “For seven days, I saw only the fan on the ceiling of the room and occasionally when turned around, I saw the bed sheet too.”
Yo mama so stupid that when she turned on airplane mode...
She thought she could fly.
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John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke."
Michael: "Get money from your job."
John: "I got fired."
Michael: "Why?"
John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside."
Michael: "This is why we are friends."
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Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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Why did the tomato turn red?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
Yo mama so fat when she was in school she sat by everybody!
"Between a rock and a hard place" refers to Chuck Norris' fists.
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Doc, says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on Earth for?"
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time.
If you don't do it, I'll just go to another doctor."
"OK, but it's against my better judgment."
Steve has his operation.
The next day he walks down the hospital corridor very slowly, legs apart, with his drip stand.
Heading toward him is another patient walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Yeah," says the patient, "I finally decided I'd like to be circumcised."
Steve's eyes widen in horror, "Oh no! That's the word!"
A crazy man jumps from the bushes and opens his coat in front of an old lady to surprise and terrify her.
The granny takes a look at him and sais: "oh, dash, I´ve forgotten to buy the eggs."
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