Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she were born, the doctor didn't know which end to slap.
My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila. "You're coming home now!" she screamed. "No, I'm not," I laughed. She said, "I'm talking to the kids."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France. Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!" Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!" Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy." Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."
Q: Why should you be more afraid of a white guy in jail than a black guy? A: You know the white guy actually committed the crime.
What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman? The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.
Me: Staring contest. Go! Me: O.O Friend: -.- Me: I win! You blinked! Haha Friend: You bastard, I'm asian!
Chuck Norris would have attacked the Death Star with the Shield Generator still up.
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"