Remove the shower head and place a chicken bouillon cube in it, then put the head back on.
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A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving.
A cop sees him and pulls him over.
The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"
The man says, "I slowed down."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him.
"Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
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I went to a very beautiful place yesterday.
There were blossoms, roses and bright sky like a fantasy land.
I was so happy until some idiot woke me up...
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
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What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!
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Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A: Lots of room.
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I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"
One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon.
One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!"
The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?"
They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."
A man is participating in a golf tournament.
He was left to golf with just his caddy.
On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups.
The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a one stroke penalty.
However, the golfer refuses and takes the ball out of the buttercups and takes the stroke penalty.
Suddenly, Mother Nature appears.
"What you just did was amazing. I am so proud that you enjoy nature and all of its beauty. For your reward, I will give you a lifetime supply of butter."
"Thanks," says the man.
"But where were you last week when my ball landed in the pussywillows?"