Two blondes were talking together: First: "How about your engaged Jim? Is he keeping well?" Second: "He isn't just now my engaged." First: Hi good news. His nose was too big and his head was bald with an ugly face!" Second: "He is now my husband!"
Chuck Norris would have attacked the Death Star with the Shield Generator still up.
What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist only takes the skin.
Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news." Bush replied, "What’s the good news?" "I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."
Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".
"I really don’t know girl, but I don’t believe in love at first sight!" "Why?" "Because... How can you tell if the man has a good salary at the first sight?"
"Knock Knock?" "Who's there?" "Europe." "Europe who?" "No you're a poo."
A man calls a lawyer’s office. A voice answers, ‘Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz.’ The man says, ‘Let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘I’m sorry, he’s on vacation.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s on a big case, not available for a week.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s playing golf today.’ ‘Okay, then, let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘Speaking.’