Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
Vote:
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine.
It's a Bordeaux collie.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
Vote:
Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.
Why did the farmer fence in the bull?
The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A harenet.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
Vote:
I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn't been made up yet.
Vote: