Best jokes ever

Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom. The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet. The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can. The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain." The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!" The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark. First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, game
Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself. Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!" Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper!" came the reply
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: food, life
A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner. The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount. The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street. Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard. Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!" The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed." One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?" The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: men
Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work. I don't understand, Cindy complained. When people find out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me. Why would they do that? Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested, Maybe it just saves time.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, work
What does CPA stand for? Can't Pass Again.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: accountant
Q: Why was the condom flying through the air? A: It got pissed off.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?" The driver said, "You buyin'?"
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: cop
<<<443444445446
More jokes →
Page 443 of 1428.