What does a Rubik's cube and a pen*s have in common?
They both get harder the longer you play with them. 
A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists.
The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.
Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!"
The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.
When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing.
They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!
Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
Vote:
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroid's.
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland":
Dog tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening.
It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property.
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast,
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
Vote:
Knock, knock
Who's there?
I'm Mr, Farter.
Mr, Farter who?
I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
Vote:
How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss!
Vote:
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
Little Johnny was in his maths lesson one day when his teacher asked him a question to see if he was paying attention.
"If I gave you 20," she began, "and you gave 5 to Mary, 5 to Sally and 5 to Susan, what would you have?"
Johnny thought about this and then answered, "An orgy?"
Vote:
Girl: “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
Mother: “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
Girl: “My homework.”