The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Chuck Norris CAN read Lady Gaga's poker face.
Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.
Two old guys were sitting under a tree, watching the sun go down. One says, “You know, I’m 84 years old and my body is full of aches and pains. You’re about my age. How do you feel?” The other guy says, “Oh, I feel like a newborn baby.” “Really,” says the first guy. “Yep,” says the second one. “No teeth, no hair and I think I just wet my pants.”
Chuck Norris is a fact.
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
Chuck Norris once beat the sun at a staring contest.
Gravity is Space's way of trying to keep Chuck Norris away from it.
Chuck Norris actually painted all of the colors of the wind.
Chuck Norris can speak French in Russian.