Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk.
Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off? A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches? A:Because they can.
Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind. The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep." So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!" And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand. The police ask, "is that your wife?" "Yes" says the man. "Did you kill her with that golf club?" "Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club. "How many times did you hit her?" The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? A: Lost.