Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
Chuck Norris ate a sheet of paper, then later found an origami swan in the toilet.
Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
Chuck Norris once threw a pebble. We now call it...Hayley's Comet.
Chuck Norris can make a rap video without booties and cars.
If Chuck Norris were a substance, he would abuse you.
Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.
A company once tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, but they soon realized it wouldn't work because Chuck Norris won't take shit from anyone.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when she walks the dog, they both use the same bush.
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"