A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.
"Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks.
"No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles.
His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the brunette what she was going to buy.
The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?"
The blonde said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it."
Yo mom a so fat she wore a Malcolm x shirt and a helicopter landed on her.
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
How does a leopard change its spots?
When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
Vote:
Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer.
Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
Vote:
Sex is when a guys communication,
enters a girls information,
to increase the population,
for a younger generation,
do you get the information...
or do you need a demonstration.