Best jokes ever

Q: Whats the generic form of Viagra? A: Mycoxaflopin.
Vote:
has 65.94 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: medical, viagra
Q: Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet? A: They never want to log off.
Vote:
has 65.94 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: animal, internet, money
A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost. So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?" "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians" "Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?" "I am! But how did you know?" "Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!" "Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?" "Geeze! How'd you know that?" "You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
Vote:
has 65.93 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: math
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
Vote:
has 65.92 % from 571 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
Vote:
has 65.92 % from 438 votes. More jokes about: sex, ugly
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
Vote:
has 65.91 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Vote:
has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, prison
How does a leopard change its spots? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
Vote:
has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal
Shop assistant: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small. Shop assistant: You didn't even try it on? Psychic: I'm a medium.
Vote:
has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about:
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
Vote:
has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, Halloween
<<<452453454455
More jokes →
Page 452 of 1429.