Chuck Norris understood the ending of Lost.
Vote:
A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there.
He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does.
When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man.
When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man.
At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood.
So the American man stood too.
Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down.
Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth.
When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!
John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed.
The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs.
A: Ground Beef!
Vote:
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...
Chuck Norris douses all his food in diesel fuel and sets it on fire, 'cuz he likes it mildly spicy.
Vote:
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets!
Vote:
Yo mama is so fat, iPod converts into iPad, when she sits on it.
There were three women sitting at a bar, talking about how loose they were.
One woman said that her husband could fit his arm in up to his elbow.
The next woman said her man could fit his leg in up to his knee.
The last woman just slid over the bar stool.
Q: Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them?
A: So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.