On a beach a man shouts at another man: Tell your son not to imitate me. A man to his son: Son, stop playing the fool.
How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Yes.
Three blondes witness a crime so they go to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief shows them the first mug shot. "That's not him," the first blonde states. "This man only has one eye." The chief is stunned. "He only has one eye because it's a profile shot." He repeats the procedure for the second blonde. "That's not him.This man only has one ear," she answers. He smacks his head. "It's a profile shot." He repeats the procedure for the third blonde. After viewing the photo, she says, "That's not him. This man is wearing contact lenses." "How do you know that?" "Well," she says, "he can't wear glasses with only one eye and one ear, now can he?"
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?"
Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"
"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?" "He was sacked for making a grave mistake."
A lady tells her husband, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for two weeks.” He replies, “What did your dentist say?”
I would kick you straight in the vagina... If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.
Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.