When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
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What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!
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Chuck Norris dosent swim, water just likes him.
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Yo Mama so poor I saw her with one shoe in the garbage can and I said, "Did you lost a shoe."
And she said, "Nope I just found one."
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"
The Hulk is Green because he envys Chuck Norris.
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Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.
Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle.
On a beach a man shouts at another man:
Tell your son not to imitate me.
A man to his son:
Son, stop playing the fool.
Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.
A man is participating in a golf tournament.
He was left to golf with just his caddy.
On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups.
The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a one stroke penalty.
However, the golfer refuses and takes the ball out of the buttercups and takes the stroke penalty.
Suddenly, Mother Nature appears.
"What you just did was amazing. I am so proud that you enjoy nature and all of its beauty. For your reward, I will give you a lifetime supply of butter."
"Thanks," says the man.
"But where were you last week when my ball landed in the pussywillows?"