How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.
Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it? A: Cucumber, dirty people.
Yo mom a so fat she wore a Malcolm x shirt and a helicopter landed on her.
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
The psychiatrist asks his patient: "Do you really think that you are a horse?" The patient: "Yes." The Doctor: "Ok, it will be a long and expensive therapy." The patient: "It's ok, I have enough money." Doctor: "And how it is possible?" The patient: "Because I have won three times horse races."
Q: Which Bible character had no parents? A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Q: What was the world's first palindrome? A: Madam, I'm Adam.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
How does a leopard change its spots? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.