When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
Chuck Norris dosent swim, water just likes him.
Yo Mama so poor I saw her with one shoe in the garbage can and I said, "Did you lost a shoe." And she said, "Nope I just found one."
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"
The Hulk is Green because he envys Chuck Norris.
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle.
On a beach a man shouts at another man: Tell your son not to imitate me. A man to his son: Son, stop playing the fool.
Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.
A man is participating in a golf tournament. He was left to golf with just his caddy. On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups. The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a one stroke penalty. However, the golfer refuses and takes the ball out of the buttercups and takes the stroke penalty. Suddenly, Mother Nature appears. "What you just did was amazing. I am so proud that you enjoy nature and all of its beauty. For your reward, I will give you a lifetime supply of butter." "Thanks," says the man. "But where were you last week when my ball landed in the pussywillows?"