A man went to visit his doctor.
“Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
“Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!”
“Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
Patient: "Doctor, I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "I understand."
Patient: "Understand what?"
Some people can ride their bikes with no handle bars.
But chuck norris can ride his handlebars with no bike.
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How many Feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1) None. Feminists can't change anything.
2) Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to berate any men who offer to help.
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
A: Call her and tell her.
Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist.
They are starving and don't have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore.
The engineer says: "Let's hit the can with a rock until it opens."
The biologist has another idea: "No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job."
Finally, the economist says: "Let's assume that we have a can opener".
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Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Fred (surprised): Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yep, that they do.
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One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on.
The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him.
"What you staring at, old man?
Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?"
"Yeah. I screwed a parrot once.
I was wondering if you were my son?"
Chuck Norris finds it impossible to understand the concept of impossibility.
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