This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted.
The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car.
The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
Hipsters wear jackets in the summer, before it's cool.
Chuck Norris looks at IEDs and the trigger man blows up.
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How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
What do you find in a clean nose?
Fingerprints!
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Look for gray hares.
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.
He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet.
"973," says the man.
The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.
Says "OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal."
Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation."
Man says sure.
"You are an economist for a government think tank" says the shepherd.
"You are exactly right!" responds the man, "but tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down the dog and I will tell you."
Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman.
Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.
Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters?
A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork
Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible.
He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
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