Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.” “Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?” “Back to back.” “But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.” “Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. The mortician walked over to comfort her. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit. The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the funeral parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the funeral the following day. When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the mortician, “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful suit?” “Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit,” the mortician replied. “His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit.” Albert’s wife smiled at the undertaker. “After that,” he continued, “it was just a matter of swapping the heads.”
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
A blind man and his dog walks into a bar and the blind man starts swinging hid dog around the barman says, "What are you doing?" A blind man replies, "Nothing I'm just looking around!
Yo' mama is so bald, when she wears a turtleneck it looks like a busted rubber.
Two blondes are sitting on a bench at the park. One says to the other,"Hey, which is farther, California or the moon?" The other blonde says,"Well, duh! Can you see California?"
A press release: "Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence."
Yo mama's so fat that even Barack Obama couldn't afford to take her out to dinner.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a License to drive a car... The car needs a special license to be driven by Chuck Norris.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.