Best jokes ever

Q: What did the nut say to the bolt? A: Screw me.
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: money, phone, Yo mama
At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet. The man leans in, "Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook." "Wow," says the guy. "I can't believe you're so smart! I'm taking you home." Weeks go by, and the parrot not only understands everything the man says, but he gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Hey, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the mailman." "What happened?" asks the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then, the mailman came into the house and lifted up your wife's nightgown," reports the parrot. "Oh no!" the guy says. "Then what?" "I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, parrot, wife
Yo Mama so poor I saw her with one shoe in the garbage can and I said, "Did you lost a shoe." And she said, "Nope I just found one."
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Dad says to his son, "Don't mast*rbate to much because you will go blind." Son say, "I'm over here?"
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has 65.56 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. The mortician walked over to comfort her. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit. The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the funeral parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the funeral the following day. When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the mortician, “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful suit?” “Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit,” the mortician replied. “His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit.” Albert’s wife smiled at the undertaker. “After that,” he continued, “it was just a matter of swapping the heads.”
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has 65.56 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, old people
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
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has 65.56 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, morbid
Yo' mama is so bald, when she wears a turtleneck it looks like a busted rubber.
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has 65.56 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: ugly, Yo mama
A press release: "Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence."
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has 65.56 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: computer, internet, IT, prison, time
What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!
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has 65.56 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: IT
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