In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
Q: Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them? A: So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
Q: Why did the computer go to the dentist? A: Because it had Bluetooth.
Only Chuck Norris can tell you the answer to your question before you ask it.
Chuck never auditioned for Walker Texas Ranger, a camera crew turned up at his house and secretly filmed him.
Q: Whats the generic form of Viagra? A: Mycoxaflopin.