In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with.
JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me."
JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father."
BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!"
JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?"
BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto."
JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
Q: Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them?
A: So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
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Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.
Q: Why did the computer go to the dentist?
A: Because it had Bluetooth.
Only Chuck Norris can tell you the answer to your question before you ask it.
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Chuck never auditioned for Walker Texas Ranger, a camera crew turned up at his house and secretly filmed him.
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Q: Whats the generic form of Viagra?
A: Mycoxaflopin.