Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
Vote:
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.
How do you know you have a great CPA?
He has a tax loophole named after him.
Vote:
The secret of enjoying a good bottle of wine:
1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
Q: What is height of forgetfulness?
A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
Drug test?
What kind of drugs are we testing?
The light at the end of the tunnel is actually Chuck Norris holding a flashlight.
Vote:
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
Vote:
Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.