Best jokes ever

Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
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Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green? Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?
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More jokes about: black people, racist, soccer, sport
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
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Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar movie collection except for one. he's never gonna give you Up
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The wife is back on the warpath again. I suggested that we make a little sex tape ... she was up for it ... until I suggested holding auditions. I just don’t understand why she is so mad!
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The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own. "No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened." After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3. "What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!" Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."
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Yo' Mama is like a television: even an old man can turn her on.
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Q:Why did the blonde have a triangular coffin? A:Because as soon as her head hits a pillow she spreads her legs!
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What is a black persons's worst fear? Child Support.
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One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
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More jokes about: disgusting, fish, holiday, sex, wife