Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t."
"But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies.
"But, I do."
Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory.
He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back.
"Eggs," replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away.
Ten years later he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, "How?"
The old man takes one look at his face and replies, "Scrambled."
What's a mexicans' favorite sport?
Cross country.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around!
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection.
Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread.
So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread.
The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it."
Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?
A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
"Why do you keep going back to that fishing website?"
"I can't help it, I'm hooked."
Vote:
Your mama so fat that when she had a lockdown in a gym she wasn't able to go through the window or the door.
Vote:
Are shellfish warm?
No they re clammy.