Best jokes ever

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yep, that they do.

A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?

A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."

Only if they had more mosquito nets in Africa. We would be able to save millions of mosquitos from dying horribly from HIV.

A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."

If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed." Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."

One day Sven walks into the local pub and announces, "Well boys Svens is getting married." As you can imagine all of Sven's' friends were very happy for Sven's good fortune and they asked, "Who's the lucky girl?" Sven replied, "Well I am a marrying Madge." Well, this upset all of Sven's friends because Madge was nothing but a slut, and they all cried. "Sven you can't marry Madge, she's not a nice girl!" "Sven replied, "Oh ya, Sven's in love and he's a getting married." And his friends persisted, "Sven, Madge is a woman of low morals." Sven just grinned and replied, "Oh ya ya ya, but I love Madge." Finally, his friends had enough and in unison cried out, "But Sven, Madge has been screwed by every man in town!" "Oh ya ya ya," said Sven, "But it's not that big of a town."

Q: Which Bible character had no parents? A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).