When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
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Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
What’s the difference between ‘Oooh!’ and ‘Aaah!’?
About three inches.
Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
A: The taste
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How can you know a lawyer is lying?
When he moves his lips.
A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while he was bathing.
"Mom", he asked, "is that my brain?"
"Not yet", she answered.
A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker.
So the trucker stops and picks up the man.
While they are driving down the road, the trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?"
The hitch hiker says sure.
So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a blow job.
So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?"
And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."
Yo mama is so old in her time Burger King was know as Burger Prince.
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure.
You carry the suitcases!"