Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
Two old guys were sitting under a tree, watching the sun go down. One says, “You know, I’m 84 years old and my body is full of aches and pains. You’re about my age. How do you feel?” The other guy says, “Oh, I feel like a newborn baby.” “Really,” says the first guy. “Yep,” says the second one. “No teeth, no hair and I think I just wet my pants.”
Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
Chuck Norris once rolled a dice. It landed on tails.
Q: How do you identify a bald eagle? A: All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
When Chuck Norris talks, people listen. When he doesn't, people still listen.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when I asked what was for dinner, she took off her shoe and said, "Corns."
Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.