What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!
A Shark alarm at Sydneys Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water except for three young boys who didn't hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, That was the most heroic thing I've ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrows newspaper: Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark! Thanks. Smiles the fella, but I'm not an Aussie. I'm a British backpacker. No worries, said the journalist with a frown, it'll still be front-page news. The next day, the newspapers headline screamed, Pommy bastard kills boy's pet fish!
Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard on his face. Chuck Norris' beard has a face.
Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a picture. And Won.
Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success." Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
Chuck Norris goes on Jeopardy and doesn't answer in the form of a question.
Chuck Norris can see all 50 states from his house.
One does not simply survive Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the ultimate hide and seek player; no one dares find him.
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?" The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."