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Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split." Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
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You can't win a starring contest with Chuck Norris becuase when you look in to his eyes you see hell starring right back at you.
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Chuck Norris doesn't submit his own facts because Chuck Norris doesn't submit, period.
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To be roundhouse-kicked by Chuck Norris means getting his autograph.
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Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
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Chuck Norris destroyed the Lord of Rings. Twice.
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NOTE: This joke is only for those who recently had a brain transplant. DO NOT read ahead unless you don't mind being offended. You're still reading this, aren't you, asshole?
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Q: Why don't fat people were turtlenecks? A: Because turtles are now endangered.
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Remember the Leia scene from The Last Jedi? That wasn't the force, it was Chuck Norris resurrecting Carrie Fischer.
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Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.
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