Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split." Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
You can't win a starring contest with Chuck Norris becuase when you look in to his eyes you see hell starring right back at you.
Chuck Norris doesn't submit his own facts because Chuck Norris doesn't submit, period.
To be roundhouse-kicked by Chuck Norris means getting his autograph.
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the Lord of Rings. Twice.
NOTE: This joke is only for those who recently had a brain transplant. DO NOT read ahead unless you don't mind being offended. You're still reading this, aren't you, asshole?
Q: Why don't fat people were turtlenecks? A: Because turtles are now endangered.
Remember the Leia scene from The Last Jedi? That wasn't the force, it was Chuck Norris resurrecting Carrie Fischer.
Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.