Best jokes ever

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. "You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer. "All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."
Vote: has 66.76 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, money
Why are there no mexicans on star trek? They don't work in the future either.
Vote: has 66.75 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist
Yo mama's so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
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What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!
Vote: has 66.72 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death
Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard on his face. Chuck Norris' beard has a face.
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Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a picture. And Won.
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Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success." Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
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More jokes about: dad, doctor, kids
Chuck Norris goes on Jeopardy and doesn't answer in the form of a question.
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Chuck Norris can see all 50 states from his house.
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