Best jokes ever

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away. "Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank" says the shepherd. "You are exactly right!" responds the man, "but tell me, how did you deduce that?" "Well," says the shepherd, "put down the dog and I will tell you."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
"Why do you keep going back to that fishing website?" "I can't help it, I'm hooked."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: computer, internet, technology
Your mama so fat that when she had a lockdown in a gym she wasn't able to go through the window or the door.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about:
A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise. There are three other companies after me.’ ‘Is that so?’ says the manager. ‘And what companies are those?’ The worker replies, ‘The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.’
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!" The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!" The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have." The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!" The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar. The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks! The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more". This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "lets see him play this!" The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile. The bartender shouted out " See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!" And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes... as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: men
Yo momma's so fat... When she wears her X jacket helicopters try to land.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good." To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
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has 64.86 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: black humor
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