Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?
A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.
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Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.
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Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton?
A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.
A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before."
The legless man shakes his head.
Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before."
The legless man shakes his head again.
Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before."
The legless man says, "No."
The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
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Q: What do you call a lesbian with eight girlfriends?
A: An octopus.
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Yo mama's so fat when she made a YouTube account the entire network crashed.
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass.
Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
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