One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him. "What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?" "Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Yo Mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone.
Johnny asked his mom how to deal with a girl at school who liked him a lot. His mom told him to find out how she really feels. Johnny asked how to do this and his mom told him to beat around the bush. Johnny then said, "what, just like you and dad do??"
Yo' Mama is so fat, local night clubs had to put up signs that read, "Maximum Occupancy: 240 or Yo' Mama."
Q: Did you hear that the White House isn't displaying it's Nativity scene this year? A: They couldn't find the three wise men!
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to clear his sinuses.
What happened to the plant in math class? It grew square roots.
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.