If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches? 
It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh.
At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!"
The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance.
"If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked.
Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten."
And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"
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A student called into school as his father in the hopes of getting out of school that day.
“My son had the flu and can’t make it to school today,” he said.
“Who is this speaking,” said the secretary.
"This is my father!”
What did the spider do on the computer?
Made a website!
What goes black white black white...?
A penguin rolling down a hill!
What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin who pushed him!
A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there.
He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does.
When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man.
When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man.
At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood.
So the American man stood too.
Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down.
Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth.
When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
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Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime.
Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
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Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good."
To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
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