Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
AIDS Can't Kill Chuck Norris.
You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
The light at the end of the tunnel is actually Chuck Norris holding a flashlight.
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a case for his phone. The ground is afraid to break it.