Best jokes ever

Yo' Mama is so fat, local night clubs had to put up signs that read, "Maximum Occupancy: 240 or Yo' Mama."

A man goes to a bar says, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man it seems i forgot my wallet. The barman kicks him in the guts and throws him out. The next day the man comes again, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man i don't have any money on me. The barman hits him in the face with bar stool brakes his leg and throws him out. The following day the man comes to the bar again, "Barman drinks on me for the owner and everybody else in here!" Barman says, "What am not getting a free drink tonight?" "Sorry man but you get violent when you drink."

Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore? A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!

Crest fights cavities, Chuck Norris kills them.

Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.

First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."

Either the woman at the back of the train has two really ugly children, or two seriously cool Pokémons.

We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom."

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another. The elephants were connected trunk to tail. They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them. Shortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000. B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?" Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each." B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!" Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."

An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."