How do you make a rabbit fast? Don't feed it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear flowers in his hair when he goes to San Francisco, he wears poison ivy.
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
When Chuck Norris got his first sling-shot, he created what we now know today as the "Moon", "Mars", "Jupitar", "Saturn" and "Pluto"
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
I challenged Chuck Norris once. He made a bun with my legs over my head, then he roundhouse kicked me to outer space. Now I read the facts from Mars.
When Chuck Norris watches TV it changes the channel for him when he asks just out of fear.