Best jokes ever

Q: What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera? A: Phil Ming
has 64.50 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: asian
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
has 64.50 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.
has 64.48 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, food, racist
What do you call a bunch of mexicans getting stoned? Baked beans.
has 64.48 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: racist
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."
has 64.47 % from 345 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time, wife
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
has 64.47 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology
Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t." "But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies. "But, I do."
has 64.46 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a shotgun and fires a shot, barely missing the man's head. The man gets up, says thank you, and leaves a tip. Why the tip and thank you, "because the man had the hiccups."
has 64.43 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yep, that they do.
has 64.42 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication, knock-knock
Passing an office building late one night, a little Johnny saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.” He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The old, uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. “Well,” he snarled at the kid, “what do you want?” “I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself…?”
has 64.40 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
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