If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch. 
Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean?
*Pulls his head to her thigh*
Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
Vote:
Yo Mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone.
Yo' Mama is so fat, local night clubs had to put up signs that read, "Maximum Occupancy: 240 or Yo' Mama."
Q: Whats the generic form of Viagra?
A: Mycoxaflopin.
Even Google can't find Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Did I tell you the joke about my dick?
Never mind its too long.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to clear his sinuses.
Vote:
Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t."
"But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies.
"But, I do."