It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
When somebody is totally angry, why not say: "Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
Always remember: There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
Patient: "I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night." Doctor: "Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone."
I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn't been made up yet.
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
When Chuck Norris asks you to stop mid-sentence, you.
"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.