What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Sheila."
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
Yo momma's so fat... When she wears her X jacket helicopters try to land.
Patient: "I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night." Doctor: "Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone."
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all. Well neither can a fence!
Funny Lists: Eight ways to say "Your Fly Is Open" 1. The cucumber has left the salad. 2. You've got Windows in your laptop. 3. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 4. Your pod bay door is open, Hal. 5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 6. Sailor Ned is trying to take a little shore leave. 7. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 8. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
What are the three rules for being a plumber? 1. Hot water is always on the left. 2. Shit doesn't flow uphill 3. Never chew your fingernails.
Chuck Norris never bathes. Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them.