What is the perfect Father's Day gift?
Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
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Someone call CSI.
I just killed my workout.
Q: What do you call a pot of angry water?
A: Boiling mad.
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If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position.
I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy.
He agreed with me.
I got upset that he agreed.
I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
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Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit
The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
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Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute."
Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.
Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.
"What are you doing?," the female egg asked.
He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.