Someone call CSI.
I just killed my workout.
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute."
Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.
Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.
"What are you doing?," the female egg asked.
He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box.
How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist?
An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.
Q: Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A: Place to hang their air freshener.
How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.
Yo mama so poor, when I ring the door bell, she yells: DING DONG!
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"