Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date." 
What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots.
Two NBA basketball referees were walking through the countryside and they noticed some tracks.
The first said, "Deer tracks?"
"No," replied the second, "Bear tracks."
The conversation ended abruptly when the train hit them.
The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
A creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:
"Dear Mary, I can not remember which one is you ... please keep YOUR photo and return the others!"
If you are ill, so lie down and you'll walk it sooner loose.
Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote:
Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house".
A: Where's the stairs.
Q: What do you call a pot of angry water?
A: Boiling mad.
Vote:
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
Vote: