When Chuck Norris laughs he busts your gut.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
Chuck Norris caught them all with one PokeBall.
Chuck Norris invented 1080p so people could see his beard is made of razor wire.
A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.
When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest." "How long have you been married?" she asked. "Ten years", he replied.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws: Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance. Car rental agencies would rent tanks. Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas. Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
Yo mama is so fat when she ordered a waterbed, I gave her the atlantic ocean.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer."