How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus,
but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...
NASA is negotiating with Chuck Norris about using his roundhouse kick as a propulsion to get to Mars.
Vote:
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
Little Johnny replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
Vote:
Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave.
When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?"
A: "Spit and swallow."