Best jokes ever

Patient: "I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night." Doctor: "Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, life
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, money
A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says, "Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too." Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?" Bernie says, "You’re going to have to help me out here a little. What’s the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?" Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me…" "Yes, yes, that’s it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife: "Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?"
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: age, couple, husband, old people
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
Your mama so fat that when she had a lockdown in a gym she wasn't able to go through the window or the door.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about:
I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn't been made up yet.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: communication
Q: Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted? A: Because he was squatting.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: fitness
Yo momma's so fat... When she wears her X jacket helicopters try to land.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Funny Lists: Eight ways to say "Your Fly Is Open" 1. The cucumber has left the salad. 2. You've got Windows in your laptop. 3. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 4. Your pod bay door is open, Hal. 5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 6. Sailor Ned is trying to take a little shore leave. 7. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 8. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
What are the three rules for being a plumber? 1. Hot water is always on the left. 2. Shit doesn't flow uphill 3. Never chew your fingernails.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
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