A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus,
but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...
NASA is negotiating with Chuck Norris about using his roundhouse kick as a propulsion to get to Mars.
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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
Little Johnny replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
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What's long and hard on a black guy?
Third grade.
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Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
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Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave.
When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?"
A: "Spit and swallow."
I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.