Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
What are the three rules for being a plumber? 1. Hot water is always on the left. 2. Shit doesn't flow uphill 3. Never chew your fingernails.
How do you make a rabbit fast? Don't feed it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear flowers in his hair when he goes to San Francisco, he wears poison ivy.
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
When Chuck Norris got his first sling-shot, he created what we now know today as the "Moon", "Mars", "Jupitar", "Saturn" and "Pluto"
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."