I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina.
So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
Vote:
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Vote:
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
Vote:
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.
Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate.
You give the money to charity."
There was no Big Bang at the beginning of the Universe, Chuck Norris simply sneezed.
Vote:
What’s the difference between a barmaid in the evening and a barmaid at night?
A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom.
A barmaid at night is bare and...
When somebody is totally angry, why not say:
"Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."
Vote:
It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
Vote:
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.