A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
Q: What is a parrot's favorite game? A: Hide and Speak!
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
Chuck Norris just checked out from 501... In 8 darts.
Chuck Norris can actually punch you in the soul.
Ali Baba said "Open sesame" to open the secret entrance to the treasure, but little did he know that saying "Open Chuck Norris" opens all doors.
Chuck Norris does not smile. \r\nHe flexes his teeth.
Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?" The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!