Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.
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A blonde and a brunette were talking one day.
The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively: "How do you give shoulders?"
There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night.
So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson.
She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home.
The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.
He just looks at her and says, ”You don’t scare me I am married to your sister!”’
A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force.
Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
Just look at our cars.
There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!"
Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.
This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!
Here's another miracle!
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune."
The priest nods in agreement.
The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.
The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?"
The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."
Twenty-eight years ago, Herman James, a Tennessee mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon, an Army barber sheared his head. On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush.
That afternoon, an Army dentist yanked several of his teeth.
On his third day, he was issued a jock strap...
The Army is still looking for him.
Chuck Norris shot an arrow down with an apple.
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Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?
A: He was destroying his calves.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
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Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Testicules.
Testicules who?
Pillow for penis .
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