Q: What's faster then a black guy running down the street with your TV?
A: His brother behind him with the VCR.
What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!
Q: What's a terrorists favorite American football team?
A: The New York Jets.
Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Fred (surprised): Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
The old man had died.
A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
Yo Momma is so ugly that she scares blind people!
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Yo Mama so poor I saw her with one shoe in the garbage can and I said, "Did you lost a shoe."
And she said, "Nope I just found one."
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him.
“Daddy, the cat died today!”
“Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.”
“But why are his arms and legs up in the air?”
“Well, darling, that’s just something they do.”
She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later.
When the dad comes home, she runs up to him.
“Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!”
“What are you talking about?”
“I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”