Me: "I'm so lonely."
Person: "Hey!"
Me: "Leave me alone."
Vote:
Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: Cheetah.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college president, "you already make more than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered.
"Look."
He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway.
"Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the president, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."
In Africa, in a hospital, a black man entered armed – he had a knife on him – stick in his back!
Vote:
Yo mamma so stupid she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to turn green.
Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor?
A: Not cool.
Vote:
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back.
A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!"
The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
Q: What exercise do Hairdressers do in the gym?
A: Curls.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.