At museums Chuck Norris is allowed to touch the art.
Teacher: "Who can tell a story?" Little Johnny: "Our maid's ass." Teacher: "Why?" Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her ass and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?" "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me." "I don't believe that she cheated on you!" "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
Q:What's black on top of white? A: Rape Q:What's white on top of black? A: Society
Knock Knock Who's there? Muffikin Muffikin who? Muffikin fingers are trapped in the door.
Chuck Norris doesn't beat around the bush, he beats up the bush.
Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.
Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes? A: 12 pirates.
"Have you got the address of the butter website?" "Yes, but don't spread it around."