At museums Chuck Norris is allowed to touch the art.
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Teacher: "Who can tell a story?"
Little Johnny: "Our maid's ass."
Teacher: "Why?"
Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her ass and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?"
"She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me."
"I don't believe that she cheated on you!"
"Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
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Q:What's black on top of white?
A: Rape
Q:What's white on top of black?
A: Society
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Muffikin
Muffikin who?
Muffikin fingers are trapped in the door.
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Chuck Norris doesn't beat around the bush, he beats up the bush.
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Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.
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Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.
"Have you got the address of the butter website?"
"Yes, but don't spread it around."
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