Best jokes ever

A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.” The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: food, marriage, old people
Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde, science, stupid
Q: Where's Spiderman's home page? A: On the world wide web.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: internet, technology
Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, work
A blonde's car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car. The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Yo mamma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" Pres says "You think we’re stupid boy?" "We made copies of all the receipts!"
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life, political, stupid
I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Chuck Norris never dies. And of course, he will also never fade away.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say. His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?" He says"Quack quack Mummy." His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right." She says "What does a dog say?" He says "Woof woof Mummy." She says "Very good." She says "What does a cat say?" He says "Meow meow Mummy." She says "Yes that's right." Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go." His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?" The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says." Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, game, insulting
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