A tourist in Sweden is drinking in a bar when an attractive woman sits next to him. ‘Hello,’ he says. ‘Do you speak English?’ ‘Oh I speaking not much English,’ replies the woman. ‘How much?’ asks the man. The woman replies, ‘200 Kroner.’
Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex? A: Lefty.
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. Little Johnny replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
Guys, enough with the Asian jokes...they're all the same.
Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father. Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!" The first kid said he wanted a helicopter. The second kid wished for some money. And the redneck asked for a wheel chair. Obama, concerned, asked why the poor boy wouldn't want some money for his family. The kid replied, "Cause when pap finds out what I've done, I ain't gonna be walking for a pretty long time."
Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.
How do you tell when time is reversing? When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
Yo mama's so fat when she made a YouTube account the entire network crashed.
Yo mama so old she used a walker when Jesus was born.
Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.