Gilding the lily is a job seeker's birthright.
Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed:
- to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying.
- to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin.
- to be a Nobel Prize winner.
- to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time.
- he was fired "on accident."
Vote:
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine."
The doctor was very much pleased.
He asked: "Did it really help you?"
Patient: "It helped me wonderfully."
Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?"
Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
Yo' Mama is so nasty, simply bathing is part of her weight loss program.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
In Africa, in a hospital, a black man entered armed – he had a knife on him – stick in his back!
Vote:
Yo mamma so stupid she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to turn green.
Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor?
A: Not cool.
Vote:
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back.
A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!"
The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
Q: What exercise do Hairdressers do in the gym?
A: Curls.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.