Best jokes ever

I went to a very beautiful place yesterday. There were blossoms, roses and bright sky like a fantasy land. I was so happy until some idiot woke me up...
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life, travel
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore? A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, vulgar, work
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
An alcoholic walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, stupid, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, wife
Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: phone, weed
I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: holiday, travel
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: graduation, life, school, work
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch. With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there. "Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father. "But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits. "Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her. And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: food, god, husband, kids, life
Yo mama so fat she irons her pants on the driveway.
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
These two guys are riding in a convertible down a road in the desert, the road runs alongside a railroad as they are driving, as they are driving a train goes past, on the train a guy is on the train, clutching his stomach and grunting, his buddy leans over, and asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The guy replies, "I gotta shit real bad, and I can't reach the bathroom in time!" His buddy tells him "Hang your ass out the window, and let it fly." The guy hangs his ass out the window and the shi t flies back and hits the convertible. The guys in the convertible say "Damn, that guy on the train spit tobacco on us!" The guy asks his friend "Hey, pull over when the train stops and we'll find this guy and kick his ass". After he finishes talking the guy driving the car slows down. His friend says "Why are you slowing down, don't you wanna beat this guy up." His friend says "No!" The other guy says "Why". His friend says, "Number one, that is some of the stinkiest tobacco I've ever smelled, and number two, did you see the jaws on that son of a bitch!"
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, driving, friendship, travel, vulgar
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