Q: Would you burn your education certificate for 50 million us dollars?
Me: I will burn my certificate, I will burn the school, the nearby schools and even the ministry of education I will also burn all the textbooks.
Yo Mama is so fat, when she sweats, she smells like butter.
You mamma so fat that she has to use the ocean for a bathroom.
Yo mama so fat that she walked out to a party wearing heels and came back wearing flip-flops.
Yo mamma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.
I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.
A cop pulls a guy over:
Sir, why were you speeeding?
Officer, I wanted to get home quickly, before I became really drunk.
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!”
Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.”
She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
Why do blondes like blonde jokes?
'Cause they make them feel famous!
A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy."
The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.
"Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy", again the bartender brought her a Martini.
By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on.
She called, "Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn."
Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, "Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your tits are hanging in the ashtray."