Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark!
Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine? A: They both don't work and always take your money.
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus, but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Class: "Brotherly love."
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
Should women have children after 35? "No, 35 children are enough!"
Q: What's long and black and smells like shit? A: The welfare line.
Yo' Mama is so poor, my jack-o-lantern gets better dental work then she does.
Chuck Norris has a six-pack on his chin.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her zits don't want to be seen with her.