Yo mamma so fat she doesn't play temple run she plays temple roll.
We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Déja.
Déja who?
Knock knock.
Vote:
How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
Have you ever tried to take a rib from a black man?
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
Vote:
Yo mama so old she used a walker when Jesus was born.
Yo mamma is not on a diet, she's on a triet, anything you eating-shell try it.
How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau.
Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line.
Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.
When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"
The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."
The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."